another poem!

This one is mine, I'm afraid to admit... don't judge too harshly?

“With much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more the knowledge the more the grief.” Ecclesiastes 1:18

I sought discernment, Lord You answered,
You brought understanding to where I was lacking.
I sought wisdom, Lord You were faithful,
The things of life, I came to know

Then why did I ache so; why did I cry?
Why did my heart itself wring in agony?
“Surely wisdom is a wonderful weight,
A burden in its being,” said I, a fool.

I cried to you, O God my Father
For in this wisdom, I became perplexed.
The head and the heart did not hold steady-
A wasted, wanting hollow shell; meaningless.

Condemned was I, though not divinely,
But through new knowledge of my nature.
I asked for what I did not understand,
For I was not equipped to see as You see.

I see sin and death and dirt
A weak and wandering soul, destined to destruction-
Beaten and crushed, sinful and sick
More pleased with evil and pleasure than righteousness.

Despised, was I, by my own being, my soul,
For how shall I see Your glory and look upon man?
In the presence of purity, how I tremble;
How I fall on my face in shame.

I see that I am not at all acceptable; not a worthy sacrifice.
Blameless, You call for; innocent and perfect,
Not a sinner as I am, unrepentant, oblivious…
Even in your forgiveness, I do not measure up.

Surely the teacher was correct in saying
That grief and knowledge are allies.
Inseparable to the core, devices not meant for me.
Was it not so since the beginning of time?

With wisdom comes the knowledge,
The acquaintance with my insufficiency.
And when grounded in self-ambition,
It is more than I can bear.

I see now that You have been calling-
pushing purposefully and persistently
Telling me timeless truths, clothed in hope
just as You have done for all the earth inexorably.

Wisdom in itself was not only meaningless
But destructive in my hands,
The house on the sand of myself is destroyed.
There is nothing left of my life ---

But, wait, what is this? What is this solid stone?
The one that was sent to crush me and did;
It has become so much more-
The foundation is strong! It has been all along!

I can only conclude in such a statement as this:
Wisdom without heart is just a near miss.

The stone is a reference to Luke 20:17-18. Oh yeah, I called it "salvation stone", in case you were wondering.

a poem

Somebody told me this. I thought it was neat. So I thought I'd share it with you. I'm full of stuff other people say. I don't mind :) Although technically, it's what they heard from the Lord.

No more tears now, my daughter
For I will lift you up
You can trust in me alone
And I will fight for you.
But you must let me do so.
You have to let me reign.
You say you trust me, but you prostitute yourself-
You go to everyone but Me.
I’m teaching you. I alone can repair your garden.
I alone can feed your hunger for love.
I alone will reverse your deep sadness
And you cannot rely on others to do My job.
I delight in this job.
I love perfecting my masterpieces, and I will do it at any cost.
I don’t want to hurt you, but your Father must correct.
I must help you learn to fight, for you are unskilled.
I am preparing you for great things.
Don’t fear this time alone.
For you are never alone.
The One who saves, the One who loves, the One who burns for you is here.
I have always been here. I will always be here.
You just have to come to me.
Please, child, my dear daughter, the one whom I knit together,
Come to me,
For I love you.
And I alone can save you.

It was written after a time of great sorrow, after many months of crying out to the Lord. Apparently, this was when the person turned the corner, finally came back to Jesus after feeding pigs for a while, if you know what I mean. If you've ever read Judges, I'd call this a time of "apostasy"- A cycle where the humans abandon the Father and then God lets them be attacked, they cry to the Lord to save them and He does, regardless of the fact that they never ever deserve His mercy. Cool, right? A God who is more interested in saving us than condemning us. Our God is an awesome God!

Insights from Mary

Mary the counselor, that is.

I started seeing Mary the counselor three weeks ago. She is a wonderful woman, clearly in love with the Lord and filled with the spirit. She wanted to help me fight my Lochness monster (see Lauren's blog for details) and was very encouraging. In this world where most people are pushing me to "be better" or "grow" or whatnot, she's building me up and encouraging me. She's like the cheerleader of my spiritual walk! It's awesome! I go there crying and beaten down and she reminds me of my identity, how the Lord works and how I am a child of the Light. I think everyone could use some counseling.

One thing she said was super cool, and I wanted to share it with you. I told her how I felt pressured to fix all the sin in my life at once, like everything surfaced at the same time and I was having trouble managing it all. I wanted to fix all the problems, but I was clearly overwhelmed.

She said, "Elizabeth, this is the way I think God works:

If there’s a basket full of all your stuff, your insecurities, weaknesses, lies and hardships, the Lord wants to address them. He will take one out and say, “Elizabeth, this is not okay. It’s not from me. We need to get rid of this,” And help you through it. That doesn’t mean the rest of the basket is true. It doesn’t mean you have to deal with the entire basket at once. It just means He is showing you something you need to deal with."

The devil works in chaos and lies, telling you that if one is true, all is true, and that you can’t be effective until it’s all gone. He will throw you in a whirlwind of hurt, trying to fool you into thinking that is the way to be healed. The Lord brings peace. He’s patient. The devil (and yourself) will bring confusion and lies and break you down. The Lord will fill what he has emptied."

And I thought that was neat and deserved to be shared. What's up in your basket?

embracing accusations

He's forgotten the refrain:

Jesus saves!