Tired

So, this is my first post. Obviously. I started this blog to chronicle the crazy things that happen in Eau Claire so my dear sisters could keep up with me, but also for myself so I can remember the wonderful things the Lord has done. He has been so faithful this last semester.

The subject of my first post?

I'm tired.

Really tired. So tired that my body desires rest like I crave highly caffeinated coffee. So tired that I am considering not returning this semester because I am scared of the exhaustion that school entails.

One might assume that this "fatigue", so to speak, is coming from my newly developed heart condition, but I don't think that is the case. I've done everything the doctors have told me too, but it's not going away.

I keep accidentally crossing this verse in my bible:

Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

I assume this is a hint. "They will walk and not faint" has taken significantly more meaning in my life. But I just am not seeing it. He will give strength to the weary... those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength... even the part about His understanding- I believe. And Father, I am so weary. I need renewal. But as long as I've been waiting (which I suppose in perspective is not so long, but it feels like it) I haven't really received it. I still faint. Literally, faint. Even my soul needs strengthening.

But if there is one thing I've learned from a semester full of spiritual warfare, seeing angels and demons, finding two new sisters in Christ, multiple signs of the Lord's favor of our ministry, and actually hearing the voice of the Lord a few times, waiting is sometimes the most precious gift. But for real, Lord, if you're reading this blog, hear my cry- please give me strength.