I like this picture. It says so much to me, with the waves and the lines of the dancer and the wind blowing... When I was younger, I used to think about Solomon a lot. I used to think about what I would ask for if God came to me, like he did to Solomon, and say I could have whatever I wanted. I suppose it was about a four year span of time (it's longer than you think) that I knew in my heart, and fully admitted in childlike innocence, that I would ask to be the best dancer in the world. I would have given pretty much anything to be able to pose like the girl in this picture.

A passion He gave me twisted into the thought that mastering a talent would make me so happy. There are still times when I wish I could dance really well.

I've been thinking a lot about the lies I listen to. The lies we all subscribe to. It breaks my heart to pieces to watch little girls killing themselves to be skinny, or spending every spare moment working to get their feet to point the right way, turn out the right way, ashamed of the passion if they can't be the best. It's so sad. So sad to think we're all wasting our years "breeding spotted mice" as AW Tozer would say. The only question is, what am I doing now? What is my heart's most fervent desire? If God came to me, what would I ask for?

favorite conversation everrrr

"I'm sad tonight." I said to a dear friend.

"Oh dear, what shall we do about that?" she replied.

"I just don't know. I wish I could make sense of everything. I wish people didn't hate me. I wish I could just start over."

"Not all people hate you. Probably very few people hate you! Maybe you need a vacation?"

"I am on vacation! I don't think anyone hates me, I just wish people would think better of my intentions."

"The important people know the truth."

"I know God knows. I just wish I could know. I wish they would believe in me. Do you ever wonder if it was just a big mistake to follow Jesus?"

"Yes I do. Kind of alot actually." She accented her statement with a smiley face to empathize with my dilemma.

"The only thing that holds me here is remembering how things used to be. I can't live on my own. But I feel like things are just so hard all the time."

"I hate that it's hard, I don't understand it." She says, sadly.

"Life will always be hard regardless of who we're living for," I reasoned. "It just confuses me that the Lord's plan is so destructive to me. I don't feel ready for it. I wish His plan was more loving and encouraging than soul destroying and painful."

"I am positive that His plan is loving in a way we do not see," her answer rings through my head.

"But why does everyone have to reject me? Why do I have to be alone? I wasn't ready and I've barely made it. It doesn't seem good to me."

"Well... when Jesus was beaten, rejected, and alone on Calvary it probably didn't seem like a loving plan either. But we know it was the most loving plan ever." She is always very down to earth. A wise girl.

"Yeah, it just hurts. I feel like that's all that is in store for me. Pain and rejection."

"Well I know the feeling. But I know you have hope for the rest of the plan or you would turn from Jesus right now," she stated very plainly.

"Well, I can't help it. I don't know why it's there. But it is. For some reason deep in my heart through the hurt, I think I'll get through this alive. Don't you feel it too?"

"Yeah I do... it drives me nuts!" She finished. I smiled and thought through the conclusion we had come to. The bible says the Spirit testifies with our spirits that we are His children. There really is no other way. I follow Jesus. Through unbearable pain and sorrows I walk as best I can in obedience, just like He did thousands of years ago. It'll all be okay in the end. It will all be okay soon. Soon, we shall see Him.