A battle

In my mind, there's a battle. It didn't always rage like it has recently, but I think it's always been there... I'm one of those people. One who think very deeply about my heart motives. One who really find the deep, deep parts of souls the most interesting. I can't seem to get past it sometimes. I can't just make a set of steps to reach a goal. I get stuck in the "deep thinking" section, analyzing my emotions and the emotions of others. It's a really scary place to be if you don't know how to navigate it. And I have found out that I really, really, really don't know how to navigate it.

I am so stuck in understanding mode right now that I feel as if I cannot proceed. It feels as if steps to the end goal can't be made until I understand how the deep soul processes of all the world can be laid out. So I'm idling. Making time pass with interesting, but totally meaningless things.

I know that being eternally-minded means that I need to do both. I need to be able to find a path and go with it while understanding and considering souls.

It bothers me that I can't do this. But I don't understand how to fix it. I get too stuck in my mind which feels like a whirlpool of philosophy and puzzles and humanity and doctrine. I try to consider what Jesus would do, but I can't form a practical solution. Or I am very impractical in my solutions and then when they fail I am still very lost.

I get stuck on boundaries mostly. Grace vs mercy vs love vs justice? Holiness vs purity? Satan vs God? Honoring and respecting elders vs obeying the Lord? Accountability vs not causing dissension? I feel like all of these huge issues that I will NEVER understand are constantly blocking my ability to be free. They are confusing. And our Father is not a father of confusion.

If you are reading, you can pray that I will understand how to fix this problem and how to be free. Because it is for freedom Christ set us free, and I don't want to waste one more moment being a slave to my own silly mind.